An update :)

Hey there, kids.

I hope everyone is having a lovely week so far. My week got off to a slow start as I didn't sleep so well on Sunday night and was kind of draggin' on Monday. Many of you may  already know this about me, but I love sleep. In fact, i'm downright protective over my sleep schedule because the quality of my sleep is directly related to my mood and productivity the following day. This is a proven fact for me. I'm not one of those people that can run on 5 hours of sleep, and I never have been. If I'm not counting sheep by eleven o'clock at night, I start to experience anxiety about not getting enough hours of good quality sleep. Needless to say, I'm more of a morning gal than a night owl. I would rather get up at 5:00 am and get things done than stay up until midnight.  Call me crazy, but sleep is important, people!  Make sure you know how much sleep YOU need to function at your best and give that to yourself. While it might feel indulgent and impossible, try to create a sleep regimen that you stick to in the evening. Sure, there are always going to be things that need to get done that you could use as reasons why you can't go to bed, but those things will still be there in the morning. In addition to being a total crab, lack of sleep can lead to a whole slew of health problems.  New parents- my apologies; I realize you don't have a choice in your sleep schedule.



My intention was not to start this post off discussing sleep hygiene, but it actually kind of leads into the topic that I sat down to write about. Fancy that! So, as you can conclude from my into, I love sleep. However, the one occasion where I could care less about sleep is (or was!) ...when I went out for a day or night of indulging in adult beverages. Some people fall asleep when they have too much to drink,I get wired and wild. Sure, it's great not to be the girl falling asleep in her dinner plate, but what's not great is being the girl who still thinks it is a good idea to party and drink more at 4 am. That girl usually ends up in a pretty unfortunate state the following day. Trust me, I've been there. I'm willing to bet that many of us have been there at one time or another.



Now, I'm not knocking anyone who drinks or parties! If that works for you, awesome. My fantastic fiance sells craft beer for a living, so seriously, no judgement here. What I personally realized was that my habit of overdoing it with the sauce just didn't jive with me and my chemical makeup. It took a long time for me to accept that I needed to let go of the boozing and partying in order grow as a person. My tendency to overindulge was creating some serious blocks in my path of  getting to know myself, and that relationship is one that I knew I needed to prioritize if I wanted to feel true contentment in my life. So, I made the decision to become a seltzer with a lime girl and wrote about my plans in this post.

hello, there :)

I figured today I would give you an update on how I have adjusted to life sans sauce. It's been about six months since I wrote about my decision, and for the most part, I have remained completely true to my choice. About a week after making my initial decision, I regretted it. I was in a situation where everyone was drinking, and I felt like I was somehow boring or would not be liked or included if I abstained. I let this fear overpower me, considered myself weak, and proceeded to get slightly sloppy. I felt like I had broken a rule and thought to myself, "you already F*d up, so why don't you just F up all the way?" That's a productive thought process right there, huh?! Gotta love coming down with a case of the F its.



I felt really terrible about myself for a few weeks following this instance, but remained dedicated to my decision. As my fiance PJ says, "let's get back on the horse". So I did. The first couple of months were frankly kind of miserable. I thought that I was boring, socially awkward, and had nothing to contribute to the conversation because I didn't have a cocktail in my hand. My usually talkative and bubbly demeanor felt muted, and I didn't want to go out because I couldn't "participate". I went through a period where I was isolating a bit, at which point an article fell into my lap that detailed a former party girl's journey to becoming someone who doesn't drink. I can't find the article (I'll keep looking for it!), so I'll give you a brief synopsis. I felt like the author was speaking to me! She was super honest about her initial feelings of disconnection, anxiety, social awkwardness, and boredom. She, like me, became a little bummed and began to isolate. Eventually, she got sick of being alone and started practicing being out and about without a drink in her hand. What she realized was that the the very thing she was looking for in her glass was inside of her all along- she just had to practice letting herself experience each situation without the crutch of liquid giggles, confidence, fun, etc.



What I loved about her article was that it was REAL. I have read a gazillion accounts of how great life is without alcohol. Sure, there are benefits to choosing not to imbibe, but if life was so hunky dory without it, why is alcohol such a fixture in almost every social situation? The truth is that choosing to navigate life without alcohol is challenging in the beginning if it's something you are used to doing. You might hear that naggy inner voice telling you that you need to drink to be fun, and that you and your life are boring without cocktails. I'm here to tell you that putting your party pants alter ego to bed is totally possible if that is something that you think you might want to do.



So what does my relationship with alcohol look like now? Well, I've come up with my own definition of what sobriety is to me and how I plan to move forward.I honestly don't think  that I would have been able to arrive at this point had I not taken a sixth month step away from booze and parties.  I needed that time to learn that I can truly be me in any situation regardless of what I am sipping on. I am actually a much more real version of myself. To me, having a rule that I am never allowed to drink alcohol again feels suffocating. I don't do well with anything dogmatic- even if it's self imposed- as it almost always seems to result in me rebelling, if you will. Instead, I have decided to reframe my relationship with alcohol and change the way I view it.

SO, What does this mean?

-Most of the time, I will continue to choose not to drink. This is a choice I am making because I am truly happier being 100% in control.

-On certain occasions  that are intimate in nature, I may enjoy a nice glass of wine or champage. Key words being A and Enjoy.

-Before I make the choice to have a cocktail, I will check in with myself. Is there something I am feeling that I am trying to remedy by drinking? If so, I need to address that feeling, not hope it temporarily disappears due to alcohol induced giddiness(or forgetfulness!).

-I will not drink to get drunk. Period.

 

I am happy to report that I have practiced my new approach on two occasions over the last month with fantastic results. I feel a freedom in knowing that I don't have to drink because I am in a situation where alcohol is being served. Just because it's there doesn't mean I have to partake out of sheer habit. Right?



I want to reiterate that the nature of this post is NOT to judge or imply that my path is right for everyone. This is just an account of what works for me. Perhaps it will help someone who has struggled to take off their party pants (haha)to see that they aren't alone in the way they feel. I'm living proof that it really is possible to live a full, happy, and FUN life without getting schnockerd!

 

Something to think about:



 

xo
Sarah

Say Cheese...

When I laugh, I close my eyes, scrunch my nose, my whole body shakes, and I make this crinkled face that I think looks downright evil. I laugh often, so I'm sure this is a familiar face to those of you who know me well.

I have a love/ hate relationship with the way I look in candid or goofy pics. On one hand, I love being captured in a moment of pure laughter- completely present in the moment. It intrigues me to see myself in the background of a photo where I am completely unaware that I am part of the scenery. I get a glimpse of what I look like when I focus, when I talk, and when I cry. Have you ever stopped to consider that a candid photo or an unexpected video clip is really the only way to observe yourself completely 'in it'?  While it's interesting to step outside myself and observe how others might physically see me as I engage in a particular behavior, my gut reaction is to say, "ugh, I look awful in that picture! What am I doing?Why do I laugh like that?"

 

The only way I am comfortable being photographed or viewing myself in a photograph is when I am, as my Dad says, doing my 'supermodel smile'. It's kind of a running joke in our family that no matter what's going on for me, if a photo is being taken, I will disregard all previous emotion and plaster on the 'supermodel smile'.

I've been practicing that smile for many years, clearly! :)

Now, I'm not suggesting that I should slap on a big pout every time a picture is being taken- nor am I intimating that I'm a supermodel- but the fact of the matter is that my strong desire to have my photos only reflect my "good side" ,or "good smile' in my case, mirrors how I want to be seen by the rest of world.  I am  someone who still struggles with the need to be viewed as perfect by everyone I come into contact with, and the thought of someone not liking me makes my skin crawl. This external validation of being O.K. enables me to avoid dealing with and embracing the completely unavoidable (and awesome!) imperfection existing within me. 

The reality is that I am someone who is finally starting to understand that how other people view my physical appearance, or my laugh, or my squeeky voice, or my energy, or my opinion is not really my problem.I'm beginning to find beauty in the imperfect, and it feels really freakin' awesome. If I step back and examine the photos, the girl who is belly laughing with one of her best girlfriends in the top picture is more real and alive than the girl in the posed picture with the supermodel smile. That giggly girl had not consumed any alcohol to make her silly, she was not trying to look a certain way for a picture, and she was not faking a big ol' smile when what she really wanted to do was laugh. While smiley,posey, pictures are great and necessary, the goofy moments and candid snaps have so much more life to them.I'm beginning to see that different, goofy,messy, and imperfect is way more interesting and REAL. It's a better angle for me :)

 

Xo,

Sarah

 

 

Be Your Own Guru

Happy Saturday, Everyone!

Cheers to enjoying a relaxing morning so far. I'm on my second cup of coffee, and I painted my nails and toes which I'm happy to report are smudge free (so far). Now, I'm talking to you while enjoying the intoxicating scent of my new Voluspa candle that I treated myself to yesterday!

 

I feel pretty good about all of these things. Clearly :)

 

I'm dropping in super quick today to remind you all to trust your gut, know your own body, and don't be afraid to take your own path. Not everyone will agree with you, and some people might even call you nuts! Who gives a flying fig?  Truth be told, I do often give a flying fig, and I'm one of those people who has a hard time trusting ME. I assume that everyone else has the answer or somehow knows what is best for me. If someone I love questions or doubts me, I assume I am wrong. They must  know better. While I believe that it's essential to have a trusted support network, keep in mind that your peeps may have their own thoughts and opinions on what's best for you.  But you know what? If I look back on my path,  some of the BEST things in my life happened because I was strong and I didn't follow the crowd  or another "guru" . I followed my inner guide, and while surely this resulted in some strain on certain relationships, ultimately the people that were meant to stay in my life remained. 

Don't be afraid to be different or to take a different path. People will always have their two cents to drop in the jar. If you're lucky, their contribution will come from a loving place. If this is the case, hear them, but make your own choice. Be your own guru. Be beautifully, unapologetically, fearlessly, YOU. 

Love, hugs, and flying figs,

XO,

Sarah

Something to think about:

 

 

 

I Found a Hemp Seed in my Belly Button

Hi There,

So, the other day I glanced down at my belly button, and I noticed a small cream dot in the center. No, my friends, this was not belly button lint. It was a a hemp seed. When I realized what the belly button invader was, I laughed hysterically and then realized that this was my little message from the universe that it was time to start blogging again. I mean, there have got to be other people who are discovering hemp or chia seeds in various body crevices, right?! I decided that I needed to let them know that they are not alone! So, here I am. 

 

 For those of you wondering what a hemp seed is and how it made it's way into my belly button, I will provide a brief summary of both. First off, hemp seeds are high protein seeds that have the most concentrated balance of proteins, essential fats, and enzymes. You can find 11 g of protein in 1 serving of hemp seeds (3 tbsp)! To learn more about these little powerhouses, I like this article. If you want to purchase hemp seeds or other awesome natural products, check out Vitacost. This online superfood store rocks and they usually have awesome deals. I order everything from tea, to seeds and nuts, to protein powder, to vitamins, to coconut oil from Vitacost.

My guess is that during a feast, a wee little seed escaped from a delicious bowl of goodness much like the one you see pictured above, traveled down my shirt, and took shelter in my belly button. I often put the bowl very close to my mouth when I get to the end of the meal to make sure that I get every last bit of yumminess, so I'm guessing this would be when the little seed went exploring. Note** I would advise you to take caution when bringing a hard bowl too close to you mouth. I'm not thrilled to report that I did chip a tooth once from an unexpected bowl to mouth collision. This is a perfect example of why mindful eating is important.  Shoveling food (or bowls!) into your mouth while staring at a computer is just not good. You might end up at the dentist.

 

In all seriousness, I took a step back from the blog to really consider what I wanted it to be. I don't feel that I need to perfectly define what each post in my blog will be about, but I wanted to get a bit more focused in the type of information I share. For example, while I think it can be fun to share daily musings and happenings occasionally, what I really enjoy reading from other bloggers is the raw post where he or she details an experience that has allowed them to truly get to know themselves better. I certainly don't mean that I only enjoy reading about situations or issues that a person has totally figured out. That would be boring and frankly, life is often times more complicated that that. What I'm interested in is a person's process and their ability share an experience and own their story. For me, whether this unveiling is done through writing, art, the spoken word, dance, yoga, or other does not matter. It's the raw expression of one's trials and triumphs that I just love. Therefore, I have decided that this is the type of "stuff" I'm going to focus on sharing. I may not post as often as I did in the past, but I hope to have something up at least 1x per week. My goal is to not write for the sake of adding a new entry, but instead to share content with meaning and purpose. 

You dig? 

I hope so.

 

Something to think about: 

XO

Sarah