Splat.

Hey There,

How ya doin' ? Things around here are kind of crazy busy, but it's all good. I'm just trying to remind myself that everything that needs to get done will, and that there are only so many hours in a day! In the moments when I need a reminder that everything is ok, I snuggle my dog who is a big furry ball of love (with most people... )!

Yes, I did crawl into his "condo" with him. I don't think he was particularly fond of the fact that I didn't knock or ask if I could enter, but he let me snuggle nonetheless.  Host with the most :)

  

Sometimes we just need to be held :)

Ok, so you all know that I love my little inspirational nuggets, and the one above could not be more perfect for the story I'm about to share today.

Failure.

Flopping.

Falling short.

Splat.

I don't know about you, but all of these words frankly make me feel a bit icky. Who likes the feeling of failure? I certainly don't, and I find it can be especially prickly when others witness your flop. All sorts of "stuff" comes up.

I suck.

I'm so embarrassed.

Why did I even try that?

I should have known better?

I'll never get to where I want to be.

Now everyone knows that I stink, and I'll never be considered a bad ass again.

MMMmmm. The joys of the inner dialogue. EEK! So, where am I going with this? Last Sunday, I took a yoga class. For those of you who know me, I love practicing yoga solo, and I typically avoid the class setting. There are a few reasons for this, but it mostly boils down to my aversion to scheduling my day around a class. I'm blessed that I have been able to develop a super strong home practice, but because I rarely practice around other yogis, I have become rather uncomfortable taking my practice out into the open. When I'm alone, there is no worrying about knocking someone else over, or checking around the room to see if I'm doing the same thing as the other people in the class, or if other people think I'm "good".  It's just me, my mat, and often times, my pajamas. There is no class fee or snazzy yoga apparel required, and the only person that occasionally gets knocked over is my dog or PJ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61A3sh31dlY

Back to the yoga class. I have been taking a class on Sunday's for the past few months with an instructor that I absolutely love. I don't go every Sunday, but I try to get there a couple of times a month. Everytime I'm about to leave for the class I think, "I should just practice here, I have a much stronger practice when I go solo." I recognize that this thought process might seem rational, but I've realized that what I am really scared of  is getting distracted and "messing up" in front of other people. I want them to see that I have a strong practice, that I'm dedicated, that I can just zone in an whip out any posture with ease. If you didn't know, this is NOT the point of yoga. I have said before and I will say it again- your relationship with your yoga practice or other form of physical activity- is often quite similar to the way you talked to yourself about and  handle other situations in your life. This idea could not be more true for me.

SO, I go to the class, and at the end we are told to pick an inversion of our choice. I love inversions, and typically in a class setting, I will choose a headstand as this is the most stable inversion and poses the least risk to myself and other class goers if I for some reason topple over. Well, on Sunday, I was feeling ballsy. I practice forearm stand and scorpion regularly in my practice at home, and despite the close proximity of the yogi next to me, I thought, "I got this". We had just had a pretty intense class, so my arms were definitely fatigued. Instead of lifting up into forearm balance with control, I muscled my way into it. I was able to balance for a few breaths before my inner dialogue started.  I began to lose focus, and before I knew it, I was toppling over. It was one of those slo-mo falls where you feel like it takes you 5 minutes to get to the ground.  I somersaulted (not gracefully) out of the arm balance and landed about a millimeter away from the girl next to me who was balancing in headstand. I literally almost created a room of yogi dominoes. I was so psyched that I didn't knock her over, but then I started to beat myself up. "Sarah, this is why you don't arm balance in a packed yoga class. What were you thinking? You could have knocked someone over and pissed them off. To boot, they definitely don't think you have a strong practice. As this dialogue started, I looked up at the yoga teacher who saw the whole thing, and she gave me a big smile and two thumbs up. It was adorable, and totally snapped me out of my self loathing moment. I crawled back onto my mat, and lifted into a more stable headstand, where I remained until we were told to come down.

First off, it took every ounce of my being not to include a picture of me rockin' a kick ass scorpion in this post to show you all that I CAN do it.  But honestly, what would that be proving? The aesthetic of the pose is unarguably beautiful and impressive, but the true measure of one's yoga practice should have NOTHING to do with the ease in which they are able to achieve certain postures. Me posting a photo would come from that same fearful part of me that wanted to portray to my yoga class that I am strong.  Why am I telling you this and why do you care about my yoga splat? I'll tell you why.... because splats are going to happen on a yoga mat, and in life. It's part of growing. If you never take a risk, you will remain stagnant, and your full potential will go unrealized. Failure is kind of awesome, and I was reminded of that by my yoga teacher's big thumbs up. You know why? It means you tried. That my friends is brave, and going for it regardless of the outcome is where the real shit starts to happen. I'm not saying the prospect of falling down is not terrifying... it is. Other people will ALWAYS have opinions and reactions about what you choose to do and the result you may have. Don't get discouraged by that, keep your eyes on the road and remember failure is the first step in learning. It has to happen. If you can learn from it, and continue to put yourself out there, the sky is the limit. The same yoga teacher who applauded my wipe-out said earlier in the class , " Go for it. You might fall, but you might fly. If you don't try, you won't know".

So, I think you get the point of this story. I realize that despite my reluctance, I NEED to be attending yoga class because I'm a little bit afraid of it. Not afraid in a DANGER way (in this case, run!), but afraid in a way that I  know I will become stronger if I continue to show up and face my fear. Find that "thing" in your own life, and continue to go for it. We are all in this together, and we may not all splat simultaneously, but we are all going to fail at some point. It's what follows failure  that can make magic happen.

Oldest living yoga teacher. 93 years young. I'm sure she has had her share of splats.

XO

Sarah