The Beauty Myth

Hi There!

How's everyone doing? Things over in my neck of the woods are pretty good. The week started off  busy, and I really can't believe it's already Wednesday.



On Monday, I drove to upstate New York for work. As much as I wasn't excited about the three hour drive each way, the beautiful foliage (and lunch box full of snackies!) made the trek a complete pleasure if you can believe it. It was so nice to escape the city and simply take in some beautiful scenery and breathe in the crisp fall air.

In other news ,I'm super psyched about this new hat I picked up from Targ-et! It makes me feel kind of badass... I don't know why, it just does :)

So, speaking of badass, in my last post, I told y'all (I'm sorry, I love saying y'all) that in the coming weeks, I would be sharing some of the ways that I am calling bullshit on this idea that I (or you!!!) somehow need "fixing". We are faced with a gazillion messages everyday telling us that we need to change the way we look, or eat, or talk, or exist. Messages that tell us we need to simply be better than we are. Often times, these "messages" are connected to some sort of unfounded plan that promises us a pathway to perfection where we will finally be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, strong enough. Unfortunately, we are being totally set up. Why? Because the media ensures that there is no end to this arduous road to flawlessness, As much as we would like to think we know the media is taking us for a ride, most of us (both male and female) without question jump on the train. Even just for today, let's consider letting that train pull out of the station.

1. Get Educated

Knowledge is power, people. So many of us (ehhem, ME) take what we hear on the news, in the media, or from other people as the ultimate truth. We don't question it or consider that their truth might be different than ours, or that this truth may be a way to keep us stuck so that we can't compete.

So, I am currently re-reading The Beauty Myth, by Naomi Wolf. This masterpiece is completely life changing, and I HIGHLY recommend that any woman (or man) out there reading this post go get this book RIGHT NOW. I actually purchased  The Beauty Myth my freshman year of college as a requirement for a women's studies class that I was taking. I loved the class, but I didn't really read the book. I kind of skimmed some of it, liked some of the ideas, but I didn't really take it much further than that.  Well, I picked this book back up last week, and I couldn't have anticipated the way that my whole world would be flipped upside down. For the first time, I am questioning EVERY beauty ideal that I have for so long enslaved myself with trying to achieve. The Beauty Myth covers the ways in which women have been strategically trapped- both mentally and physically- since the beginning of time. My gosh, you want to talk eye opening? After reading this book, I simply can't subject myself to the torturous thoughts that I have been acting upon all these years. I actually teared up (in anger) yesterday while reading a section of this book. If you are a lady, and you want to know why you always think that there is something wrong with you, READ THIS BOOK. It's not your fault, there is NOTHING wrong with you, and it's no wonder so many women feel like crap about themselves. Some quotes from the book below to give you an idea of just how powerful this book is.

Now, I like to immerse myself in things. It's just my style. While I can't sit around all day reading this book because of that thing called work and life, I have found a way to do both. I do have my own copy of The Beauty Myth, but this time I downloaded it via itunes, and I listen to it while I drive around all day. If you haven't listened to a book on tape, it's a great way to keep your mind stimulated (and not obsessing!).

So for today, I am asking you to get educated. Don't mindlessly follow the masses or what the media is telling you is the path to fulfillment and general awesomeness. Also, remember that these messages from the media and our society trickle down. While I love reading blogs and find many of them to be truly inspiring, I have to remind myself that many of the recommendations that these bloggers promote result from their following of these "messages" that they too are receiving on a constant basis. Just a little food for thought...

Have a beautiful day.

Love and Hugs :)

XO

Sarah

Well, it's been a while!

Hi There!

So, ya... it's been a long time since we've talked! Life has been crazy busy (in an incredibly good way!), and truthfully, I haven't had any leftover brain cells with which to dedicate to bloggy stuff :)



So, when I say life had been crazy busy, basically I'm referring to all the wedding "things" that I had on my plate for the past few months! I'm happy to report that PJ and I tied the knot on September 13th, 2014! It was a truly beautiful (rainy) day- the most meaningful and special day of my life to date- and I can't wait to share more details with you in future posts! I was blessed to find the most amazing vendors (and husband and family!) who made every detail of the big day just perfect :) If you want to check out some of our wedding photos, you can take a look at my photographer's blog to see some of her faves!

http://www.sherrysuttonblog.com/sarahpj-liberty-science-center-wedding/

Our wedding was followed by a luxurious honeymoon week in the Dominican Republic which we spent lounging, eating, swimming, smooching dolphins and sea lions, sipping pina coladas, and getting massages. It was magical. I wonder if my company has any openings as a professional lounger available in the DR... hmmm. I'll have to look into it. I was REALLY good at the whole relaxation thing.



Now, I'm back to real life for the most part. I gotta say, as much as I loved the excitement surrounding the wedding and all of the fun events leading up to the big day, there is something comforting about slipping back into my routine.

Leaving the DR...Wahhh

Along with the mental shift that has come with really and truly understanding what it means to be married, I have undergone some personal thought transitions over the past couple of months as well. Let's just get right into it, shall we?

For the majority of my adolescent/adult life, I have viewed myself as a broken bird. I thought (and certainly at times, still think!) that I needed to be fixed, altered, corrected, or "worked on". I have felt like everyone else had something figured out that I just didn't, and I simply needed to work harder on myself to find that thing that would make me less broken. For me, I have always taken to "fixing" or "filling" myself by focusing on my physical appearance. As I have stated in previous posts, my need to repair myself (like many women and men out there!) resulted in a major battle with body image that has lasted more years than I care to count. Over the years, my body has taken a major beating. It's been starved, and stuffed, and deprived, and berated. It has been praised for being thin, and ridiculed for being more shapely. While there have certainly been unwarranted comments from the outside world, the real abuse has come from the person my body trusts most in this world- ME.  Over the past few months, the thought started to form in my mind that something about the plan of "attack" that I had been enacting all of these years was not working. Perhaps, my perceived failed attempts had something to do with the ummm... attack? What if there was actually nothing wrong with me at all? What if the way my physical body looked was a completely bullshit measurement of my completeness? What if I didn't have to consider whether other people thought I was too big, too small, too curvy, too loud, to chatty, too inquisitive? What if I was whole, and complete, and perfect just as I was?

You see, I have been keeping myself stuck by labeling myself as broken which implies that something needs to be fixed before things can move forward. Guess what, I'm just simply not willing to believe that I have to stand at the starting line fidgetting and adjusting anymore, waiting for that moment when I am perfectly ready to run. I certainly don't regret my past experiences, but I am committed to turning the page with the belief that I am whole right now.

Word.

So, I'm throwing out a challenge here. Whether there is one person reading this post, or a 1000,  I want *you* to call bullshit on this whole idea that you need to "fix" yourself. The media and our society keep us stuck and sell us things by making us feel like we are broken.They capitalize on our biggest universal fears- rejection and disconnection. Dude, get mad about this manipulation and choose to do something different than the masses in response.

This is what it's all about.

Re-framing the way we view ourselves is not easy. It takes work and time- but feeling like shit takes the same if not more work and time. Over the next few weeks, I'm going to post about some things that I am doing differently to ensure that I live each day remembering: I am not broken.

Hugs and Kisses,

Sarah

Splat.

Hey There,

How ya doin' ? Things around here are kind of crazy busy, but it's all good. I'm just trying to remind myself that everything that needs to get done will, and that there are only so many hours in a day! In the moments when I need a reminder that everything is ok, I snuggle my dog who is a big furry ball of love (with most people... )!

Yes, I did crawl into his "condo" with him. I don't think he was particularly fond of the fact that I didn't knock or ask if I could enter, but he let me snuggle nonetheless.  Host with the most :)

  

Sometimes we just need to be held :)

Ok, so you all know that I love my little inspirational nuggets, and the one above could not be more perfect for the story I'm about to share today.

Failure.

Flopping.

Falling short.

Splat.

I don't know about you, but all of these words frankly make me feel a bit icky. Who likes the feeling of failure? I certainly don't, and I find it can be especially prickly when others witness your flop. All sorts of "stuff" comes up.

I suck.

I'm so embarrassed.

Why did I even try that?

I should have known better?

I'll never get to where I want to be.

Now everyone knows that I stink, and I'll never be considered a bad ass again.

MMMmmm. The joys of the inner dialogue. EEK! So, where am I going with this? Last Sunday, I took a yoga class. For those of you who know me, I love practicing yoga solo, and I typically avoid the class setting. There are a few reasons for this, but it mostly boils down to my aversion to scheduling my day around a class. I'm blessed that I have been able to develop a super strong home practice, but because I rarely practice around other yogis, I have become rather uncomfortable taking my practice out into the open. When I'm alone, there is no worrying about knocking someone else over, or checking around the room to see if I'm doing the same thing as the other people in the class, or if other people think I'm "good".  It's just me, my mat, and often times, my pajamas. There is no class fee or snazzy yoga apparel required, and the only person that occasionally gets knocked over is my dog or PJ.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61A3sh31dlY

Back to the yoga class. I have been taking a class on Sunday's for the past few months with an instructor that I absolutely love. I don't go every Sunday, but I try to get there a couple of times a month. Everytime I'm about to leave for the class I think, "I should just practice here, I have a much stronger practice when I go solo." I recognize that this thought process might seem rational, but I've realized that what I am really scared of  is getting distracted and "messing up" in front of other people. I want them to see that I have a strong practice, that I'm dedicated, that I can just zone in an whip out any posture with ease. If you didn't know, this is NOT the point of yoga. I have said before and I will say it again- your relationship with your yoga practice or other form of physical activity- is often quite similar to the way you talked to yourself about and  handle other situations in your life. This idea could not be more true for me.

SO, I go to the class, and at the end we are told to pick an inversion of our choice. I love inversions, and typically in a class setting, I will choose a headstand as this is the most stable inversion and poses the least risk to myself and other class goers if I for some reason topple over. Well, on Sunday, I was feeling ballsy. I practice forearm stand and scorpion regularly in my practice at home, and despite the close proximity of the yogi next to me, I thought, "I got this". We had just had a pretty intense class, so my arms were definitely fatigued. Instead of lifting up into forearm balance with control, I muscled my way into it. I was able to balance for a few breaths before my inner dialogue started.  I began to lose focus, and before I knew it, I was toppling over. It was one of those slo-mo falls where you feel like it takes you 5 minutes to get to the ground.  I somersaulted (not gracefully) out of the arm balance and landed about a millimeter away from the girl next to me who was balancing in headstand. I literally almost created a room of yogi dominoes. I was so psyched that I didn't knock her over, but then I started to beat myself up. "Sarah, this is why you don't arm balance in a packed yoga class. What were you thinking? You could have knocked someone over and pissed them off. To boot, they definitely don't think you have a strong practice. As this dialogue started, I looked up at the yoga teacher who saw the whole thing, and she gave me a big smile and two thumbs up. It was adorable, and totally snapped me out of my self loathing moment. I crawled back onto my mat, and lifted into a more stable headstand, where I remained until we were told to come down.

First off, it took every ounce of my being not to include a picture of me rockin' a kick ass scorpion in this post to show you all that I CAN do it.  But honestly, what would that be proving? The aesthetic of the pose is unarguably beautiful and impressive, but the true measure of one's yoga practice should have NOTHING to do with the ease in which they are able to achieve certain postures. Me posting a photo would come from that same fearful part of me that wanted to portray to my yoga class that I am strong.  Why am I telling you this and why do you care about my yoga splat? I'll tell you why.... because splats are going to happen on a yoga mat, and in life. It's part of growing. If you never take a risk, you will remain stagnant, and your full potential will go unrealized. Failure is kind of awesome, and I was reminded of that by my yoga teacher's big thumbs up. You know why? It means you tried. That my friends is brave, and going for it regardless of the outcome is where the real shit starts to happen. I'm not saying the prospect of falling down is not terrifying... it is. Other people will ALWAYS have opinions and reactions about what you choose to do and the result you may have. Don't get discouraged by that, keep your eyes on the road and remember failure is the first step in learning. It has to happen. If you can learn from it, and continue to put yourself out there, the sky is the limit. The same yoga teacher who applauded my wipe-out said earlier in the class , " Go for it. You might fall, but you might fly. If you don't try, you won't know".

So, I think you get the point of this story. I realize that despite my reluctance, I NEED to be attending yoga class because I'm a little bit afraid of it. Not afraid in a DANGER way (in this case, run!), but afraid in a way that I  know I will become stronger if I continue to show up and face my fear. Find that "thing" in your own life, and continue to go for it. We are all in this together, and we may not all splat simultaneously, but we are all going to fail at some point. It's what follows failure  that can make magic happen.

Oldest living yoga teacher. 93 years young. I'm sure she has had her share of splats.

XO

Sarah

A little light, and a little heavy

Happy hump day, my friends!

I hope you are all having a lovely week so far. My week has been pretty great. I arrived home from my amazing bachelorette weekend on Sunday evening, and I promptly got back into my regular routine on Monday. In other exciting news,  PJ and I picked up our wedding bands on Monday evening and as of today, we are officially one month out from our wedding! Time flies! I was looking at the calendar this morning to determine how many pay checks I will be getting prior to September 13th as it's definitely check writing time, and I was shocked (and frankly hoped I was counting wrong!) that I will be receiving just 3 more pay checks before the big day! Anyone who has planned a wedding knows that as you approach the end date, you essentially start to hemorrhage money. We certainly expected this, it just requires a bit more planning and pinching. I said to my girlfriends as we left our weekend getaway on Sunday that I was quite sad my weekend of being wined and dined on someone else's dime was over! Initially I felt uncomfortable with being treated, but I have to be honest, by the end it was quite nice :)



 

To my amazing girlfriends who planned such a special and spectacular weekend that was so "me", I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am so moved by all the thought, time, and creativity, each of you put into making sure every moment of the weekend consisted of something that I truly loved. I could not be more grateful to have the unwavering support and love of such an amazing and unique group of women. I love each one of you to pieces and the memories we created and the many, many laughs that we shared will forever be a part of me.



 

I do want to shift gears as I wouldn't feel right not addressing the untimely death of Robin Williams. Robin Williams was a part of  my childhood, and I'm sure many of you can relate. As a little girl, I remember watching Mork and Mindy on TV Land with my Mom and Dad. My brother and I desperately tried to replicate the "Nanu, Nanu" hand signal that Mork would do, often to no avail.



 

I am proud to say that I can now perform an effective "nanu" sign, but as a little kid, I couldn't for the life of me get my fingers to stick together and simultaneously separate. Anyone else remember trying to perfect the "Nanu"?



I also remember watching Hook over and over again, and to this day I will stop and watch if I catch it on tv.



What I think of when I hear the name Robin Williams is the happy and insightful character that he portrayed in most of his movies. It's not that I personally knew him, but it's frankly unfathomable to me that this man could have another part of him that was so completely opposite from the character that he played in his movies- a part that was dark and tortured. I remember my mom telling me years back that he had gone to rehab, but I assumed he just liked to party and needed some help reigning it in. Although I never gave it much thought, I supposed that I presumed the cause of his drinking/drugging stemmed from wanting to constantly celebrate. From the outside looking in, who would have thought that this man was so shackled? I certainly wouldn't have.


The point is that you never fully know what type of internal struggle a person is facing. For many people, the projection we show to the world is just that- an at least partly artificial image of how we want people to see us. However, the parts of ourselves that we keep under lock and key are bound to eventually break down the door. While the part of us that puts on a show for the world is trying to protect us from being really seen and thus rejected, this part stifles all other aspects of who we are. We become unable to hear our inner voice, and we begin to act soley from a place of fear. For those of you who have experienced this internal imbalance, the pain and disconnect can feel unbearable. In Robin Williams' case,  he could not longer manage his inner demons, and he felt his only choice was to escape.

Mental illness is not a joke, and Robin William's death was not selfish. When someone is trapped in a world where they cannot create any space from the torture of their demons, they lose the ability to rationalize their emotional state and they become physically and mentally unable  to "live"... even for the people who love them and who they love. While mental illness can certainly be attributed to biology, I believe that some people are more susceptible to mental illness and depending on their circumstances, can almost "catch" it, meaning certain environmental factors may lower their threshold for illness and thus they end up in a very, very dark place.

 

I once said to a person in my life, "I don't understand why people seem so mentally discombobulated...they didn't have a slew of pharmaceuticals to remedy their mental problems back in the day and people got along fine". This person said to me, " Sarah, back in the day, people had a life expectancy of maybe 50, and their societal pressures and expectations were unarguably WAY different than the complex and high pressure world we live in today. If they lived in this world, they too would perhaps consider therapy or medication." Touche.

On that same note, when people are prescribed medication to help treat mental illness, we don't know how their individual biology will react to the medication. The scary thing with medications for mental illness is that it's not like we are simply treating a rash, we are altering their brain's chemical function. If a person does not tolerate a medication well, or they abruptly discontinue it, or they mix it with other altering "substances", shit could potentially hit the fan in a very big, bad way. While I think medication is extremely effective  for some people and can truly create the space for an individual to experience a life they may have not thought possible, many medications are dolled out liberally without the risks and consequences of improper usage being properly discussed and understood. This is a problem... just sayin'.


I have personally struggled with mental illness, and I'm not ashamed of it. I used to be, but I'm not anymore. I now know that the darkness that I often lived with was not my fault, and I was not weak. I did not choose to suffer, and in fact I tried like hell to keep my head above water. It was exhausting, and as much as I tried to project this image of perfection, it was not sustainable. My friends and family have seen me in some pretty ugly places, and while I am so grateful for ALL the blessings I have in my life, there were times where I didn't think that I could possible endure the war that was going on inside of me for one second more. I felt trapped, stuck, and like something was very wrong with me. Fortunately, with support and love, I was able to dig myself out of the darkness and learn how to get comfortable with all the parts of me, even the ones that I didn't want to admit to having. Moving through mental illness is NOT linear. There are peaks and valleys, and breaking free can initially feel like a roller coaster ride-exhilarating one moment and truly terrifying the next. I'm talking, "get me off this freaking ride I don't care if I have to jump out of the cart" terrifying. The ride certainly gets less bumpy, but it's by no means a perfectly straight track. In order to move forward, I believe that YOU have to learn how to accept yourself and take care of yourself. While having support is crucial, ultimately you are the one that needs to learn how to show up for yourself. The good news is, and I speak from experience, that this can be learned if a person can even slightly open up to the possibility that things could be different. I would argue that the challenge here is to first admit that you are not flawed or wrong because u are suffering. It's not your fault, and nothing is inherently wrong with you. Mental illness does not discriminate, and those who are affected by it do not choose to bear the disease. Like any chronic illness,the sad reality is that some individuals who struggle with mental illness might succumb to it's grip. It's unfair, and unpredictable, but so is a disease like cancer. I realize that this is an opinionated post and I truly hope not to offend anyone, but as someone who has been impacted by the shame of mental illness, I felt compelled to share my perspective and a snipit of my story. Most people have been either personally impacted by or presently know someone who struggles with mental illness. I challenge you to think of that person or perhaps yourself before you judge someone's inability to cope with mental illness for a disease of the mind is perhaps one of the most difficult diseases to treat in my humble opinion.

 

Something to think about:

-Glenn Close

XO

Sarah

 

 

 

Soulful Sunday Stuff

Hey There!

Happy Sunday, my friends. I started my day off by dumping a whole cup of coffee on my coffee table. I mean, I know the table's name indicates that one of it's purposes is to hold coffee, but watching your first cup of freshly poured joe slowly spill across the table is majorly disappointing. Cleaning up coffee spillage when you haven't yet consumed coffee is no bueno. Womp, Womp. Anyway, I've got a refill, and I'm ready to chat!



 

HI!

So, I wanted to start off today by adding a few little nuggets onto this post which was basically an update of my life and my current relationship with alcohol. I redefined what I want my relationship with alcohol and part-aying to look like, and how I'm making that happen. I wanted to share with  a couple of resources I found super duper helpful in figuring out what my inner party pants was really after ,and how to work with that knowledge to become a mindful imbiber. First off, there were plenty of articles I read about transitioning to a relatively sober lifestyle. These were great inspiration, but they didn't speak directly to the part of me that was searching for something in that glass of vino. Nonetheless, these articles were powerful and trans formative, and I've added a few of them below if you're interested in reading.

7 things I learned during my year without alcohol (Thanks, D for this link! :)!)

Addictive Daughter <---- Amazing site with an even more amazing message! Do yourself a favor and read the founder's stories!

How I realized that alcohol was ruining my life

Why I don't drink alcohol and how to cut back on booze without become a hermit

There are definitely more great articles that I have read, but I didn't save them :( If you have an article related to this topic, post it in the comments section below! As I said, these accounts were all very inspiring, but my thought process really changed when I stumbled across the blog Such Different Skies. The blog's Aussie creator and author, Tara Bliss, is a beautiful writer, a free spirit, a yogi, and among many other things, a reformed party girl. Although I did not partake, Tara has a whole coaching series called The Party Girl's Guide to Peace (which is no longer being offered), and she is currently writing a book with the same title.  Click this link to read Tara's story and peruse the Party Girl's Guide To Peace archives. There is SO much good stuff, here. This girl makes you think, party people. I walked away from each article that I read feeling less alone, more empowered, and equip with questions to ask myself when the urge to indulge or overindulge arises. As I said in this post, sobriety to me does not mean never having a sip of a drink again, but I'm finding that by getting really clear with myself about what specifically I am wanting to feel when I reach for a cocktail, that my desire to consume it is GREATLY decreased. I don't feel like I can't drink, instead I feel that I don't really want to because I'm finally addressing the real shit underneath that makes me want to use drinking as a way to feel or appear different than I am. Who knew that dealing with your shit was the key all along?!

I hope you all find the info in this post helpful or thought provoking. It can be scary and kind of trippy when you get really honest with yourself, but in the end, I promise it's worth it. I'm certainly still on my journey, but I've had a taste of what life can be like when you take care of yourself inside and out, and let me just say that I highly recommend this type of life. 

Happy Sunday :)

xo

Sarah

An update :)

Hey there, kids.

I hope everyone is having a lovely week so far. My week got off to a slow start as I didn't sleep so well on Sunday night and was kind of draggin' on Monday. Many of you may  already know this about me, but I love sleep. In fact, i'm downright protective over my sleep schedule because the quality of my sleep is directly related to my mood and productivity the following day. This is a proven fact for me. I'm not one of those people that can run on 5 hours of sleep, and I never have been. If I'm not counting sheep by eleven o'clock at night, I start to experience anxiety about not getting enough hours of good quality sleep. Needless to say, I'm more of a morning gal than a night owl. I would rather get up at 5:00 am and get things done than stay up until midnight.  Call me crazy, but sleep is important, people!  Make sure you know how much sleep YOU need to function at your best and give that to yourself. While it might feel indulgent and impossible, try to create a sleep regimen that you stick to in the evening. Sure, there are always going to be things that need to get done that you could use as reasons why you can't go to bed, but those things will still be there in the morning. In addition to being a total crab, lack of sleep can lead to a whole slew of health problems.  New parents- my apologies; I realize you don't have a choice in your sleep schedule.



My intention was not to start this post off discussing sleep hygiene, but it actually kind of leads into the topic that I sat down to write about. Fancy that! So, as you can conclude from my into, I love sleep. However, the one occasion where I could care less about sleep is (or was!) ...when I went out for a day or night of indulging in adult beverages. Some people fall asleep when they have too much to drink,I get wired and wild. Sure, it's great not to be the girl falling asleep in her dinner plate, but what's not great is being the girl who still thinks it is a good idea to party and drink more at 4 am. That girl usually ends up in a pretty unfortunate state the following day. Trust me, I've been there. I'm willing to bet that many of us have been there at one time or another.



Now, I'm not knocking anyone who drinks or parties! If that works for you, awesome. My fantastic fiance sells craft beer for a living, so seriously, no judgement here. What I personally realized was that my habit of overdoing it with the sauce just didn't jive with me and my chemical makeup. It took a long time for me to accept that I needed to let go of the boozing and partying in order grow as a person. My tendency to overindulge was creating some serious blocks in my path of  getting to know myself, and that relationship is one that I knew I needed to prioritize if I wanted to feel true contentment in my life. So, I made the decision to become a seltzer with a lime girl and wrote about my plans in this post.

hello, there :)

I figured today I would give you an update on how I have adjusted to life sans sauce. It's been about six months since I wrote about my decision, and for the most part, I have remained completely true to my choice. About a week after making my initial decision, I regretted it. I was in a situation where everyone was drinking, and I felt like I was somehow boring or would not be liked or included if I abstained. I let this fear overpower me, considered myself weak, and proceeded to get slightly sloppy. I felt like I had broken a rule and thought to myself, "you already F*d up, so why don't you just F up all the way?" That's a productive thought process right there, huh?! Gotta love coming down with a case of the F its.



I felt really terrible about myself for a few weeks following this instance, but remained dedicated to my decision. As my fiance PJ says, "let's get back on the horse". So I did. The first couple of months were frankly kind of miserable. I thought that I was boring, socially awkward, and had nothing to contribute to the conversation because I didn't have a cocktail in my hand. My usually talkative and bubbly demeanor felt muted, and I didn't want to go out because I couldn't "participate". I went through a period where I was isolating a bit, at which point an article fell into my lap that detailed a former party girl's journey to becoming someone who doesn't drink. I can't find the article (I'll keep looking for it!), so I'll give you a brief synopsis. I felt like the author was speaking to me! She was super honest about her initial feelings of disconnection, anxiety, social awkwardness, and boredom. She, like me, became a little bummed and began to isolate. Eventually, she got sick of being alone and started practicing being out and about without a drink in her hand. What she realized was that the the very thing she was looking for in her glass was inside of her all along- she just had to practice letting herself experience each situation without the crutch of liquid giggles, confidence, fun, etc.



What I loved about her article was that it was REAL. I have read a gazillion accounts of how great life is without alcohol. Sure, there are benefits to choosing not to imbibe, but if life was so hunky dory without it, why is alcohol such a fixture in almost every social situation? The truth is that choosing to navigate life without alcohol is challenging in the beginning if it's something you are used to doing. You might hear that naggy inner voice telling you that you need to drink to be fun, and that you and your life are boring without cocktails. I'm here to tell you that putting your party pants alter ego to bed is totally possible if that is something that you think you might want to do.



So what does my relationship with alcohol look like now? Well, I've come up with my own definition of what sobriety is to me and how I plan to move forward.I honestly don't think  that I would have been able to arrive at this point had I not taken a sixth month step away from booze and parties.  I needed that time to learn that I can truly be me in any situation regardless of what I am sipping on. I am actually a much more real version of myself. To me, having a rule that I am never allowed to drink alcohol again feels suffocating. I don't do well with anything dogmatic- even if it's self imposed- as it almost always seems to result in me rebelling, if you will. Instead, I have decided to reframe my relationship with alcohol and change the way I view it.

SO, What does this mean?

-Most of the time, I will continue to choose not to drink. This is a choice I am making because I am truly happier being 100% in control.

-On certain occasions  that are intimate in nature, I may enjoy a nice glass of wine or champage. Key words being A and Enjoy.

-Before I make the choice to have a cocktail, I will check in with myself. Is there something I am feeling that I am trying to remedy by drinking? If so, I need to address that feeling, not hope it temporarily disappears due to alcohol induced giddiness(or forgetfulness!).

-I will not drink to get drunk. Period.

 

I am happy to report that I have practiced my new approach on two occasions over the last month with fantastic results. I feel a freedom in knowing that I don't have to drink because I am in a situation where alcohol is being served. Just because it's there doesn't mean I have to partake out of sheer habit. Right?



I want to reiterate that the nature of this post is NOT to judge or imply that my path is right for everyone. This is just an account of what works for me. Perhaps it will help someone who has struggled to take off their party pants (haha)to see that they aren't alone in the way they feel. I'm living proof that it really is possible to live a full, happy, and FUN life without getting schnockerd!

 

Something to think about:



 

xo
Sarah

Say Cheese...

When I laugh, I close my eyes, scrunch my nose, my whole body shakes, and I make this crinkled face that I think looks downright evil. I laugh often, so I'm sure this is a familiar face to those of you who know me well.

I have a love/ hate relationship with the way I look in candid or goofy pics. On one hand, I love being captured in a moment of pure laughter- completely present in the moment. It intrigues me to see myself in the background of a photo where I am completely unaware that I am part of the scenery. I get a glimpse of what I look like when I focus, when I talk, and when I cry. Have you ever stopped to consider that a candid photo or an unexpected video clip is really the only way to observe yourself completely 'in it'?  While it's interesting to step outside myself and observe how others might physically see me as I engage in a particular behavior, my gut reaction is to say, "ugh, I look awful in that picture! What am I doing?Why do I laugh like that?"

 

The only way I am comfortable being photographed or viewing myself in a photograph is when I am, as my Dad says, doing my 'supermodel smile'. It's kind of a running joke in our family that no matter what's going on for me, if a photo is being taken, I will disregard all previous emotion and plaster on the 'supermodel smile'.

I've been practicing that smile for many years, clearly! :)

Now, I'm not suggesting that I should slap on a big pout every time a picture is being taken- nor am I intimating that I'm a supermodel- but the fact of the matter is that my strong desire to have my photos only reflect my "good side" ,or "good smile' in my case, mirrors how I want to be seen by the rest of world.  I am  someone who still struggles with the need to be viewed as perfect by everyone I come into contact with, and the thought of someone not liking me makes my skin crawl. This external validation of being O.K. enables me to avoid dealing with and embracing the completely unavoidable (and awesome!) imperfection existing within me. 

The reality is that I am someone who is finally starting to understand that how other people view my physical appearance, or my laugh, or my squeeky voice, or my energy, or my opinion is not really my problem.I'm beginning to find beauty in the imperfect, and it feels really freakin' awesome. If I step back and examine the photos, the girl who is belly laughing with one of her best girlfriends in the top picture is more real and alive than the girl in the posed picture with the supermodel smile. That giggly girl had not consumed any alcohol to make her silly, she was not trying to look a certain way for a picture, and she was not faking a big ol' smile when what she really wanted to do was laugh. While smiley,posey, pictures are great and necessary, the goofy moments and candid snaps have so much more life to them.I'm beginning to see that different, goofy,messy, and imperfect is way more interesting and REAL. It's a better angle for me :)

 

Xo,

Sarah

 

 

Be Your Own Guru

Happy Saturday, Everyone!

Cheers to enjoying a relaxing morning so far. I'm on my second cup of coffee, and I painted my nails and toes which I'm happy to report are smudge free (so far). Now, I'm talking to you while enjoying the intoxicating scent of my new Voluspa candle that I treated myself to yesterday!

 

I feel pretty good about all of these things. Clearly :)

 

I'm dropping in super quick today to remind you all to trust your gut, know your own body, and don't be afraid to take your own path. Not everyone will agree with you, and some people might even call you nuts! Who gives a flying fig?  Truth be told, I do often give a flying fig, and I'm one of those people who has a hard time trusting ME. I assume that everyone else has the answer or somehow knows what is best for me. If someone I love questions or doubts me, I assume I am wrong. They must  know better. While I believe that it's essential to have a trusted support network, keep in mind that your peeps may have their own thoughts and opinions on what's best for you.  But you know what? If I look back on my path,  some of the BEST things in my life happened because I was strong and I didn't follow the crowd  or another "guru" . I followed my inner guide, and while surely this resulted in some strain on certain relationships, ultimately the people that were meant to stay in my life remained. 

Don't be afraid to be different or to take a different path. People will always have their two cents to drop in the jar. If you're lucky, their contribution will come from a loving place. If this is the case, hear them, but make your own choice. Be your own guru. Be beautifully, unapologetically, fearlessly, YOU. 

Love, hugs, and flying figs,

XO,

Sarah

Something to think about: