An update :)

Hey there, kids.

I hope everyone is having a lovely week so far. My week got off to a slow start as I didn't sleep so well on Sunday night and was kind of draggin' on Monday. Many of you may  already know this about me, but I love sleep. In fact, i'm downright protective over my sleep schedule because the quality of my sleep is directly related to my mood and productivity the following day. This is a proven fact for me. I'm not one of those people that can run on 5 hours of sleep, and I never have been. If I'm not counting sheep by eleven o'clock at night, I start to experience anxiety about not getting enough hours of good quality sleep. Needless to say, I'm more of a morning gal than a night owl. I would rather get up at 5:00 am and get things done than stay up until midnight.  Call me crazy, but sleep is important, people!  Make sure you know how much sleep YOU need to function at your best and give that to yourself. While it might feel indulgent and impossible, try to create a sleep regimen that you stick to in the evening. Sure, there are always going to be things that need to get done that you could use as reasons why you can't go to bed, but those things will still be there in the morning. In addition to being a total crab, lack of sleep can lead to a whole slew of health problems.  New parents- my apologies; I realize you don't have a choice in your sleep schedule.



My intention was not to start this post off discussing sleep hygiene, but it actually kind of leads into the topic that I sat down to write about. Fancy that! So, as you can conclude from my into, I love sleep. However, the one occasion where I could care less about sleep is (or was!) ...when I went out for a day or night of indulging in adult beverages. Some people fall asleep when they have too much to drink,I get wired and wild. Sure, it's great not to be the girl falling asleep in her dinner plate, but what's not great is being the girl who still thinks it is a good idea to party and drink more at 4 am. That girl usually ends up in a pretty unfortunate state the following day. Trust me, I've been there. I'm willing to bet that many of us have been there at one time or another.



Now, I'm not knocking anyone who drinks or parties! If that works for you, awesome. My fantastic fiance sells craft beer for a living, so seriously, no judgement here. What I personally realized was that my habit of overdoing it with the sauce just didn't jive with me and my chemical makeup. It took a long time for me to accept that I needed to let go of the boozing and partying in order grow as a person. My tendency to overindulge was creating some serious blocks in my path of  getting to know myself, and that relationship is one that I knew I needed to prioritize if I wanted to feel true contentment in my life. So, I made the decision to become a seltzer with a lime girl and wrote about my plans in this post.

hello, there :)

I figured today I would give you an update on how I have adjusted to life sans sauce. It's been about six months since I wrote about my decision, and for the most part, I have remained completely true to my choice. About a week after making my initial decision, I regretted it. I was in a situation where everyone was drinking, and I felt like I was somehow boring or would not be liked or included if I abstained. I let this fear overpower me, considered myself weak, and proceeded to get slightly sloppy. I felt like I had broken a rule and thought to myself, "you already F*d up, so why don't you just F up all the way?" That's a productive thought process right there, huh?! Gotta love coming down with a case of the F its.



I felt really terrible about myself for a few weeks following this instance, but remained dedicated to my decision. As my fiance PJ says, "let's get back on the horse". So I did. The first couple of months were frankly kind of miserable. I thought that I was boring, socially awkward, and had nothing to contribute to the conversation because I didn't have a cocktail in my hand. My usually talkative and bubbly demeanor felt muted, and I didn't want to go out because I couldn't "participate". I went through a period where I was isolating a bit, at which point an article fell into my lap that detailed a former party girl's journey to becoming someone who doesn't drink. I can't find the article (I'll keep looking for it!), so I'll give you a brief synopsis. I felt like the author was speaking to me! She was super honest about her initial feelings of disconnection, anxiety, social awkwardness, and boredom. She, like me, became a little bummed and began to isolate. Eventually, she got sick of being alone and started practicing being out and about without a drink in her hand. What she realized was that the the very thing she was looking for in her glass was inside of her all along- she just had to practice letting herself experience each situation without the crutch of liquid giggles, confidence, fun, etc.



What I loved about her article was that it was REAL. I have read a gazillion accounts of how great life is without alcohol. Sure, there are benefits to choosing not to imbibe, but if life was so hunky dory without it, why is alcohol such a fixture in almost every social situation? The truth is that choosing to navigate life without alcohol is challenging in the beginning if it's something you are used to doing. You might hear that naggy inner voice telling you that you need to drink to be fun, and that you and your life are boring without cocktails. I'm here to tell you that putting your party pants alter ego to bed is totally possible if that is something that you think you might want to do.



So what does my relationship with alcohol look like now? Well, I've come up with my own definition of what sobriety is to me and how I plan to move forward.I honestly don't think  that I would have been able to arrive at this point had I not taken a sixth month step away from booze and parties.  I needed that time to learn that I can truly be me in any situation regardless of what I am sipping on. I am actually a much more real version of myself. To me, having a rule that I am never allowed to drink alcohol again feels suffocating. I don't do well with anything dogmatic- even if it's self imposed- as it almost always seems to result in me rebelling, if you will. Instead, I have decided to reframe my relationship with alcohol and change the way I view it.

SO, What does this mean?

-Most of the time, I will continue to choose not to drink. This is a choice I am making because I am truly happier being 100% in control.

-On certain occasions  that are intimate in nature, I may enjoy a nice glass of wine or champage. Key words being A and Enjoy.

-Before I make the choice to have a cocktail, I will check in with myself. Is there something I am feeling that I am trying to remedy by drinking? If so, I need to address that feeling, not hope it temporarily disappears due to alcohol induced giddiness(or forgetfulness!).

-I will not drink to get drunk. Period.

 

I am happy to report that I have practiced my new approach on two occasions over the last month with fantastic results. I feel a freedom in knowing that I don't have to drink because I am in a situation where alcohol is being served. Just because it's there doesn't mean I have to partake out of sheer habit. Right?



I want to reiterate that the nature of this post is NOT to judge or imply that my path is right for everyone. This is just an account of what works for me. Perhaps it will help someone who has struggled to take off their party pants (haha)to see that they aren't alone in the way they feel. I'm living proof that it really is possible to live a full, happy, and FUN life without getting schnockerd!

 

Something to think about:



 

xo
Sarah

Say Cheese...

When I laugh, I close my eyes, scrunch my nose, my whole body shakes, and I make this crinkled face that I think looks downright evil. I laugh often, so I'm sure this is a familiar face to those of you who know me well.

I have a love/ hate relationship with the way I look in candid or goofy pics. On one hand, I love being captured in a moment of pure laughter- completely present in the moment. It intrigues me to see myself in the background of a photo where I am completely unaware that I am part of the scenery. I get a glimpse of what I look like when I focus, when I talk, and when I cry. Have you ever stopped to consider that a candid photo or an unexpected video clip is really the only way to observe yourself completely 'in it'?  While it's interesting to step outside myself and observe how others might physically see me as I engage in a particular behavior, my gut reaction is to say, "ugh, I look awful in that picture! What am I doing?Why do I laugh like that?"

 

The only way I am comfortable being photographed or viewing myself in a photograph is when I am, as my Dad says, doing my 'supermodel smile'. It's kind of a running joke in our family that no matter what's going on for me, if a photo is being taken, I will disregard all previous emotion and plaster on the 'supermodel smile'.

I've been practicing that smile for many years, clearly! :)

Now, I'm not suggesting that I should slap on a big pout every time a picture is being taken- nor am I intimating that I'm a supermodel- but the fact of the matter is that my strong desire to have my photos only reflect my "good side" ,or "good smile' in my case, mirrors how I want to be seen by the rest of world.  I am  someone who still struggles with the need to be viewed as perfect by everyone I come into contact with, and the thought of someone not liking me makes my skin crawl. This external validation of being O.K. enables me to avoid dealing with and embracing the completely unavoidable (and awesome!) imperfection existing within me. 

The reality is that I am someone who is finally starting to understand that how other people view my physical appearance, or my laugh, or my squeeky voice, or my energy, or my opinion is not really my problem.I'm beginning to find beauty in the imperfect, and it feels really freakin' awesome. If I step back and examine the photos, the girl who is belly laughing with one of her best girlfriends in the top picture is more real and alive than the girl in the posed picture with the supermodel smile. That giggly girl had not consumed any alcohol to make her silly, she was not trying to look a certain way for a picture, and she was not faking a big ol' smile when what she really wanted to do was laugh. While smiley,posey, pictures are great and necessary, the goofy moments and candid snaps have so much more life to them.I'm beginning to see that different, goofy,messy, and imperfect is way more interesting and REAL. It's a better angle for me :)

 

Xo,

Sarah

 

 

Be Your Own Guru

Happy Saturday, Everyone!

Cheers to enjoying a relaxing morning so far. I'm on my second cup of coffee, and I painted my nails and toes which I'm happy to report are smudge free (so far). Now, I'm talking to you while enjoying the intoxicating scent of my new Voluspa candle that I treated myself to yesterday!

 

I feel pretty good about all of these things. Clearly :)

 

I'm dropping in super quick today to remind you all to trust your gut, know your own body, and don't be afraid to take your own path. Not everyone will agree with you, and some people might even call you nuts! Who gives a flying fig?  Truth be told, I do often give a flying fig, and I'm one of those people who has a hard time trusting ME. I assume that everyone else has the answer or somehow knows what is best for me. If someone I love questions or doubts me, I assume I am wrong. They must  know better. While I believe that it's essential to have a trusted support network, keep in mind that your peeps may have their own thoughts and opinions on what's best for you.  But you know what? If I look back on my path,  some of the BEST things in my life happened because I was strong and I didn't follow the crowd  or another "guru" . I followed my inner guide, and while surely this resulted in some strain on certain relationships, ultimately the people that were meant to stay in my life remained. 

Don't be afraid to be different or to take a different path. People will always have their two cents to drop in the jar. If you're lucky, their contribution will come from a loving place. If this is the case, hear them, but make your own choice. Be your own guru. Be beautifully, unapologetically, fearlessly, YOU. 

Love, hugs, and flying figs,

XO,

Sarah

Something to think about:

 

 

 

I Found a Hemp Seed in my Belly Button

Hi There,

So, the other day I glanced down at my belly button, and I noticed a small cream dot in the center. No, my friends, this was not belly button lint. It was a a hemp seed. When I realized what the belly button invader was, I laughed hysterically and then realized that this was my little message from the universe that it was time to start blogging again. I mean, there have got to be other people who are discovering hemp or chia seeds in various body crevices, right?! I decided that I needed to let them know that they are not alone! So, here I am. 

 

 For those of you wondering what a hemp seed is and how it made it's way into my belly button, I will provide a brief summary of both. First off, hemp seeds are high protein seeds that have the most concentrated balance of proteins, essential fats, and enzymes. You can find 11 g of protein in 1 serving of hemp seeds (3 tbsp)! To learn more about these little powerhouses, I like this article. If you want to purchase hemp seeds or other awesome natural products, check out Vitacost. This online superfood store rocks and they usually have awesome deals. I order everything from tea, to seeds and nuts, to protein powder, to vitamins, to coconut oil from Vitacost.

My guess is that during a feast, a wee little seed escaped from a delicious bowl of goodness much like the one you see pictured above, traveled down my shirt, and took shelter in my belly button. I often put the bowl very close to my mouth when I get to the end of the meal to make sure that I get every last bit of yumminess, so I'm guessing this would be when the little seed went exploring. Note** I would advise you to take caution when bringing a hard bowl too close to you mouth. I'm not thrilled to report that I did chip a tooth once from an unexpected bowl to mouth collision. This is a perfect example of why mindful eating is important.  Shoveling food (or bowls!) into your mouth while staring at a computer is just not good. You might end up at the dentist.

 

In all seriousness, I took a step back from the blog to really consider what I wanted it to be. I don't feel that I need to perfectly define what each post in my blog will be about, but I wanted to get a bit more focused in the type of information I share. For example, while I think it can be fun to share daily musings and happenings occasionally, what I really enjoy reading from other bloggers is the raw post where he or she details an experience that has allowed them to truly get to know themselves better. I certainly don't mean that I only enjoy reading about situations or issues that a person has totally figured out. That would be boring and frankly, life is often times more complicated that that. What I'm interested in is a person's process and their ability share an experience and own their story. For me, whether this unveiling is done through writing, art, the spoken word, dance, yoga, or other does not matter. It's the raw expression of one's trials and triumphs that I just love. Therefore, I have decided that this is the type of "stuff" I'm going to focus on sharing. I may not post as often as I did in the past, but I hope to have something up at least 1x per week. My goal is to not write for the sake of adding a new entry, but instead to share content with meaning and purpose. 

You dig? 

I hope so.

 

Something to think about: 

XO

Sarah

Things as of late...

Well hello there...

How is everyone doing? If you're in the Northeast, I hope you're  enjoying this taste of springy weather we currently have goin' on. I know that I have an extra pep in my step when the sun in shining, the birds are tweeting, and the flowers are blooming! It's refreshing. Something about spring feels like starting anew. It's kind of a yearly rebirth, if you will.



 

View from a stop light on the West Side Highway

Stumbled across these beautiful Bleeding Hearts while walking through a park in Jersey City with a friend on Monday evening...love these flowers :)

 

Spring makes me want pretty nails. As I said in this post, I am slightly challenged when it comes to grooming my own nails. PJ teased me and said that I should watch a youtube video on how to paint flawless nails. I laughed, and then quickly searched youtube and watched 3 videos :) Honestly... these instructional snippets were super helpful, and I'm proud to say that I painted my nails beautifully for the first time in.....forever!

It only took me 4 polishes to achieve the perfect mani! hahaha. I think  the ridge filler and the essie drying drops made the biggest difference in the end result. As I learned from my youtube video spree, ridge filler essentially coats your nails  and makes them super smooth so that the polish glides on and and distributes evenly. I honestly though that the ridge filler might be kind of a bullshit marketing ploy, but it worked great. As for the drying drops, I usually end up removing any polish that I apply because I can't sit still long enough for it to harden. Result- nails that look like a 4 year old painted them and then went out to play.With the drying drops, my nails were hardened quite quickly. The other tip that I learned from the youtube video was not to touch your nails after you wash/ prep them for polish. Oil from your fingers will transfer to the nail and can result in chipping polish. So wash, dry, and don't touch your naked nail!

Not my eye. Nice brows, though, girlfriend...

I have another beauty tip for all you ladies (and gentlemen, of course!) who want to lengthen their lashes. While I love how mascara makes my lashes look, I am not a fan of wearing it- especially in the summer. When I get dolled up, I'll apply mascara, but usually I just curl the lashes and go au natural. Lately, I have been curling my lashes and then coating them with vaseline! I have a mini vaseline pot that I dip my finger into, and then I  just coat and spread on my lashes. It makes them look so much longer, darker, and fuller!  A little vaseline is a great way to make your eyes stand out for a day at the beach or pool when you don't want tarantula lashes, but you want a little pop.

Hrmmmm....those look heavy.

I forgot to snap a pic of my own lashes, but I will do so in the next few days and be sure to post so that you can see a before and after. Vaseline is the new mascara, gals! You heard it hear first... or not.... because I definitely did not invent this technique . :)

I have to share this precious gift that I received last week from a very special person in my life. This is a vintage shoe clip that is probably from the 1940's. I love vintage pieces and estate jewelry. I find that there is something so special about wearing jewelry or accessories that belonged to someone from a different time period or to an individual who is perhaps no longer living. It keeps their energy in the here and now, and it seems as if it's a tribute to that person and the time period in which they lived. Knowing that I have an affinity for items of this nature, my friend brought me this vintage shoe clip from the 40's that belonged to her mother in law. What made the gift even more meaningful was how special I could tell this piece was to my friend. She told me that her mother in law was a "fashionista" in her day, and judging by this beautiful and sparkly accessory, I have no doubt that this was one very well put together lady.

My friend had said that while perusing a vintage store, she saw shoe clips strung on chain to be worn as a necklace and thought I might want to do this with her clip. I wasted no time. The day I received the clip, I created this beautiful, one of a kind, necklace.  I love wearing this beautiful piece, and I am so honored that such a special gift was given to me, and that I am able to bring a little of this 1940's fashionista into 2014.  BA- thank you for the bottom of my heart.

Ok, kids, off to eat brekkie. Here is a snap of my breakfast go to as of late. Chobani plain Greek yogurt with chia seeds, flaxeed meal, and agave, paired with 1/2 a sprouted grain english muffin topped with peanut butter, and an orange on the side. The combo of protein, healthy fats, and carbs keeps me full until almost lunchtime!

Oh... and 129 days until I marry this stud.

xo

Something to think about:

xo

Sarah

The dreaded fiddle head fern...

Hey There!

 

Happy RAINY Thursday.... AGAIN! My gosh... what is up with this weather?! Spring... Where ARRRREEEeeee YouuuUUUU? On another note, can anyone else not seem to successfully polish their own nails?!  I just tried to paint my nails (key word being tried) and they look HORRIBLE...not a huge surprise there. No matter what I do, how still I sit, or how focused I am, when I paint my own nails it looks as if a 4 year old painted them. Why do I still bother trying? I'll have you know that I have already busted out the nail polish remover and am back to plain, unpainted nails. PJ told me that he watches youtube videos on how to cook the best eggs, so I should be able to find one on nail painting for the challenged.

 

Ce la Vie!

Exhibit A ... aka Exhibit YUCK

On another note, I found the one vegetable- perhaps on this planet- that I don't like. I am always up for trying whatever seasonal vegetable is advertised on FreshDirect no matter how strange it may seem. For example, a couple of weeks ago I ordered sea beans which are salty plant that grow in salt marshes and on beaches. I enjoyed these salty little buggers on top of my salads. They weren't the best veggie ever, but I had no complaints. Well, lets take a look a veggie I will not be purchasing again...exhibit A- the fiddle head fern.  Apparently these creepy looking little guys are termed as "fiddle heads" because they look like the top of a fiddle. I think they look like snails, and they taste like the forest... not in a good way. Think dirt. I braised the ferns and sauteed them in a ton of garlic. I have been proved wrong that anything sauteed in copious amounts of garlic can taste good. I threw these in the trash (and you know how I hate wasting!). PJ opened the trash and upon finding the discarded curly cues yelped, "what are those!?... they look like snails!". My thoughts exactly.

Instead of the fiddle head ferns I planned on enjoying, I roasted up some asparagus that I tossed in a miso dressing. Roasted asparagus never disappoints. I made this  miso roasted soba noodle bowl and topped it with a fried egg. SO. GOOD. On a side note, over the past few months I have been thoroughly enjoying mixed bowls of goodness for dinner. I can't get enough of grains, veggies, sauce, and some type of protein all mixed up and served in a bowl.

There is something so comforting about it, which is strange for me as there was a time in my life where I avoided "mixy" meals like the plague. I didn't like that I was unable to view exactly how much protein, fat, and carb I was consuming. That has all changed, my friends. Not only am I thoroughly satisfied when I have a mixed combo of carbs, protein, and fat, but throwing everything you like in a bowl and mixing it together is a super quick way to get dinner on the table in 20 minutes! Don't over think!  If your bowl included flavors that somewhat jive and more importantly, ingredients that YOU like... then how can you go wrong? You can't :)

Something to think about...

Be your own guru :)

xo

Sarah

Be your own bff

Hey There!

I hope you all had a nice Monday. It was absolutely gorgeous here in Jersey/New York which made for a pretty fantastic day to bee bop around. Yes.. bee bop.



 

Beautiful flowering wonderland I stumbled across yesterday while walking around the Bronx.

So, today I want to talk about a skill that I believe is crucial to cultivating a deep sense of happiness and inner peace. This practice is learning how to be your own best friend. Relax, I'm not saying you should ditch all your pals and become a lone soldier. We need and thrive on relationships with other people (and animals :)! ). What I am suggesting is that we learn to talk to and about ourselves in the exact same manner that we would speak to our closest friend. Seems like this should be easy, right?  No dice. I find this internal practice to be so flippin' hard! The fact is, not only can we become our own best friend, but we can also be our own worst enemy. Think of the way you talk to yourself sometimes when you handle a situation in a manner that you don't deem to be perfect? Do you say, "Self, it's ok! You did your best- noone is perfect- and you handled things in the best way you knew how in that moment. Let's look at what we can learn from this."?  If this is the way you talk to yourself... my hat's of to you. My internal dialogue sounds more like "You flippin' ding dong... what were you thinking? Who do you think you are? You should have known the perfect way to handle things. You should feel bad about yourself".  Sounds kind of like I am in a verbally abusive relationship with myself, huh? I would NEVER talk to my best friend this way. Heck, it makes me cringe just thinking about it. So, why would I talk to myself this way? The only thing that happens when I treat myself like this is that I end up feeling depressed and beat up. Rarely am I able to rebound from the proverbial punch in the face and say, '" hey, what did I learn from this situation". I usually want to numb out and push down whatever icky scenario I screwed up.

don't wrestle yourself...

The thing is, we think that the only way to ensure that we will handle things differently "next time" or "get things done" is to yell at ourselves. I don't know about you, but treating myself like a punching bag typically does not ensure that I will learn from an experience and handle it better next time.

Let me give you an example. Last week, I came home from work one evening and was beat. All I wanted to do was veg out, despite the fact that I had prescribed myself a long list of "to do's" for the evening. I wanted to clean, I wanted to do yoga, I wanted to blog, I wanted to make dinner, I had administrative tasks that I wanted to attend to. Well, I came home and instead of completing my "stuff', I sat down and reemed myself out for not wanting to do it. So, what was the result? I didn't do anything that I had wanted to do, and I spent the evening feeling like shit about my lack of productivity. At least if I was going to take a night off to relax, I could let myself enjoy it right?  Now, things have to get done... I'm not saying that. However, I did not have anything pressing to do, and I would have been better served had I just given myself a break. I would have likely awoken a much more refreshed version of myself early the next day to do what needed to be done. If I rewind this "scenario" and think about what I would have said to my best friend if she or he were in my shoes, my conversation would have sounded WAY different. I would have said, is there anything you have to do tonight? What is one thing you feel like you could do? Give yourself a break... it's one day!  You shouldn't feel bad for wanting to veg... this doesn't mean you are lazy, unproductive or unmotivated.. it means you are a human being who needs a break! When I feel the difference in the way these words affect me, my whole body relaxes. Sure, there are moments when I might encourage my best friend to attend to a situation despite internal reluctance, or complete a difficult task even though it seems daunting. We all need a little push sometimes. The difference is  that the way in which I would coach her or him would be gentle and loving.

So, I'm asking you to join me for the rest of this week. Practice changing the conversation with yourself. Literally talk to yourself as if you were a separate being whom you deeply care for. I'm warning you, it's hard work, but so worth it. You many consider me a looney toon, but sometimes if I am having a hard time hearing my own nurturing voice, I talk to myself out loud. With that said,  I do usually try to refrain from having an audible dialogue with myself in public.  :)

....if all else fails... go buy yourself some ice cream or fro yo with rainbow sprinkles :) That's what I did on Sunday evening and it was quite a loving gesture if I do say so myself!

....and if you are simply at a loss of loving words for yourself, go be with someone who will assure you that you are perfect and wonderful just the way you are.

Be your own Guru. You are the one that you've been waiting for :)

Be good.

xo

Sarah